Body image babble

Gorg photo of me courtesy of Ashlee Guest of  Embrace Boudoir  in Lake Jackson, Texas

Gorg photo of me courtesy of Ashlee Guest of Embrace Boudoir in Lake Jackson, Texas


Every single one of us battles our self image. Even me, your 'fearless' (I have to laugh at that expression, cause girlfriend has got some major fears) leader. 

As I've been on vacation down in Arizona, the land of the sun, i.e. the land of showing skin, my own insecurities have popped up. Although I have come SO fucking far in my self love journey, those nasty little thoughts are there- lingering in the background. 

When we decided to move to Arizona, one of the first things I did was ask a friend who lives down here if I'd be made fun of for my size. You see, even though my career is built around helping my amazing clients come to a place of self love (or even just acceptance, baby steps y'all), I struggle with the same shit everyone else does. When I thought about taking my kiddos to one of the water parks down here, my mind immediately jumped to a moment from my past. When I was about 10, I was at Wild Waves (WA water park), in my bathing suit, standing in line at a refreshment stand. A boy behind me, probably around my age, poked me in my side. I spun around and asked what he was doing.

That jackass looked at me and told me he wanted to see what it felt like to touch a beached whale. 

Take that in for a minute.

I am now 33, so for about 23 years, I've held on to the feelings that hit with that poke and it's following sentence. 

I don't remember what happened directly after that, but I sure remember the mental pain that followed. I remember laying in bed, literally clawing at my soft belly, wishing it wasn't there.

I remember a few years later, being on the school bus and listening to a conversation from a few rows back. 

A boy and a few of his friends were talking about a girl's attractiveness. "As long as her boobs stick out farther than her gut, she's okay". He was maybe 12 or 13. 

Our society needs to do better. We need to teach our babies, our kids, our friends.. that a person's worth is NOT based upon their appearance. 

Every single day of my life, I take it upon myself to be that voice. I want better for the next generation. Fuck, I want better for myself. 

I choose to be the change, to be the voice we need. If not me, than who? 

Why not me.

Why not you.