I was very nervous before my shoot! I was not nervous about getting undressed, or having other people see my body, but I could not at all imagine how I could possibly look "sexy". I can think of many ways to describe myself that make me proud. Smart, friendly, tenacious, confident, and pretty are a few. But never have I thought of myself, or been described by anyone else (to the best of my knowledge), as sexy. I was skeptical.
The shoot was amazing. I was nervous about how I would look, because it was so relaxed and I still couldn't imagine anything sexy coming from what I was doing. The girls at JNP were all so terrific in making me comfortable! I had all sorts of ideas of what it would be like naked in front of a camera, but it was nothing like I thought. I had fun, but I left still wondering how in the world that was going to translate into me looking sexy.
Then I had my viewing. I could not believe it was me in the pictures. I was HOT!! Even after 4 kids, 5 years of breastfeeding and at least 15 years past my prime, I was smoking hot. I saw my body in a way I had never looked at it before. It gave an edge to my confidence that I didn't expect. I didn't think I needed it, honestly. I've never really thought I had low self esteem, I never doubted that I was the best me I could be. But apparently I suffered from a body issue that I was unaware of, because now that I've seen myself through Jen's camera, I can see how beautiful I am.
I have a nice butt! Never in my life have I thought that before. It sounds like such a small thing, but sometimes I have to walk into rooms where I feel judged on my mere existence, and speak in front of people who clearly disapprove of me and what I do. Knowing that they probably aren't judging me on how I look, because I'm fucking hot, makes huge difference. I can concentrate on what I'm going to say, which is usually stuff that I believe is very important.
This was truly an experience that helped me grow. I will never forget it, and will most likely do it again at some point!